This month’s Round Robin asks whether or not I am ever emotionally drained by writing certain scenes, and how real are my characters to me?
I don’t know if I’m emotionally drained, but I find that after I’ve finished a scene, I’m done for the day. It’s almost as if my brain turns off and refuses to work past that scene, like it needs to refuel. It doesn’t matter if I still want to write; my brain won’t cooperate. Perhaps I’m not a real writer. Or maybe I need to push through those moments. There’re so many shiny distractions, though.
When my characters are speaking to me, they are very real. Their breath is my breath; their thoughts are my thoughts. But when I have to ask, “Okay… what’s next?” that’s when they become obstinate and refuse to talk to me. I’m currently at one of those impasses.
Here is a recent scene from my WIP:
“We cannot focus on the past. We can only move forward,” he said.
“You are fine with having killed a man?” she asked him.
His arm tightened around her shoulders, and his breath hitched. “No, but I had no choice. He was going to shoot you and Aynur.” He pulled away and studied her. Their gazes collided. “Should I have let him?”
She looked down at the dirt and shook her head. He had saved her life. Did she think less of him because he killed a man to do so? No. She’d had to attack the soldier. There’d been no choice—at least, not a viable one. Just as she’d protected herself against the cannibal and fled the village. Would her parents still be alive if they’d turned her and Bao over to the officer and his men? In her heart, Xué knew those men would’ve killed the village anyway. Could she kill again if she had to?
She shuddered. Better to avoid the soldiers all together.
Looking around the cave, she wondered how their large group would manage. Even broken up into smaller groups, they’d run into them… in a snowstorm where they shouldn’t have been. Who would send men out on a night like that? If they’d been captured, how would they have brought them in? None of it made sense.
A commotion at the entrance of the cave drew her attention. Aynur and his second dragged a blue sheep between them. Chang and Huan, the two bear shifters, joined them and carried the kill to the back where they would skin and prepare the meat. The two wolves trotted into the darkness, returning a few minutes later in human form.
Xué’s stomach grumbled. It would be several hours yet before they would eat. She stood. Perhaps she could help them prepare the sheep.
“Are you all right?” Bao asked.
She looked down at him and shrugged. “I will be.” She paused. “I have to be.”
Concern etched a frown in his forehead and darkened the silver of his eyes into pewter.
“I’m going to see if Chang and Huan need my help,” she said, ending the conversation.
“Okay.”
She turned.
“Xué?”
Without facing him, she stopped.
“We will survive this and find peace. I promise.”
Nodding, she walked away. He’d made a promise he couldn’t keep, thinking she’d feel better. She didn’t. Only escaping Mao’s long reach and setting up their own place far from danger would she feel safe enough to believe his lie. Even then, she didn’t know if peace would ever find her.
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I can understand those stall moments when my mental motor just seems to turnoff and the characters challenge me to prod them into action again. It can be very frustrating.
Rhobin,
I think my real problem right now is I’m so busy asking myself what would they do that I’m not listening to them. Now that I’ve figured that out, I hope it will flow easier.
I think every writer comes to a point where they absolutely have to refuel before they can write anymore. We differ in how we get there, though. For me I have to get up and do something physical around the house. Maybe clean, maybe go do a lightsaber fight with my son in the park. 9 times out of 10 that works anyway, lol. That 10th time … I end up working on something else until the characters cooperate with me more.
The lightsaber fight sounds more my style. Cleaning, not so much, although it does need to be done. 😀 At some point, it comes to trusting myself enough to tell the story of these characters. I’m struggling with that.
Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Until the book I’m currently writing, I never felt I was “DONE” for the day when I finished a scene. But the one I’m currently writing that has happened several times. I look at the clock and think, wait, I’ve still got time. But it’s like someone turned a switch off. Guess you just have to go with the flow. But I still spend the rest of the day thinking about that scene and mulling over where it’s going next.
I spend a lot of time thinking about what comes next, so it’s not like I’m done writing. Sadly, the words just haven’t been coming. I’ve come to realize today it’s my concern about portraying my characters accurately. This WIP is set in China/Tibet during the Great Famine (early 1960s). China is attacking Tibet, and my heroine and her husband, with a group of other shifters, are running from the People’s Liberation Army. I’m so far out of my comfort zone it’s daunting.
Powerful scene! Makes me want to read the book. Not a bad thing to be out of one’s comfort zone. I agree that after writing a powerful scene, the writer is simple done for the day. A lot of emotional energy has been invested. Nice post. Be sure and let us know when the WIP is published!
Thanks, Judy. Being out of one’s comfort zone makes us grow, but it can be a painful process. LOL
I definitely will let you know when it’s done. Hopefully, soon. 🙂
Marci, that’s a very intriguing excerpt. I want to read on!
Having characters face deep ethical choices always gets me in.
🙂
Bob
Thanks, Bob. That’s my aim: to entice the reader to continue reading. 🙂
She does struggle with this, but it’s a matter of survival. The instinct to live is strong for most of us. Thank goodness our ancestors had it, or we wouldn’t be here.
I have suffered those impasse moments too; where you’re all geared and ready to go but the mind goes, “Ah, yeah, I’m done planning today. I can’t plot anymore.” So you just gotta wait until tomorrow or whenever it’s ready.
I’m eking out a little a day now, but I consider that progress. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, Rachael.
I can relate to the brain shut-off. I find that happens occasionally after I write an especially difficult scene or I’ve been writing a chapter or two, because everything is flowing – and then – shut-down.