bowl full of candy

Bowl full of candy

I love Halloween. It’s one of my favorite holidays. And, yet, I dread it too. For varying reasons, but the main one being: candy.

It’s five days after Halloween, and I still have enough candy for a horde of children. We overbought, thinking we’d have a passel of kids on our street. Well, we had a passel of kids, but our house wasn’t decorated this year, and kids passed us by. This totally confused me because, (granny voice here) in my day, if the porch light was on, that meant the house was open for trick or treating. (end granny voice) I thought everyone knew that. Apparently, not kids these days.

So, I have this candy. That first night, I ate five pieces or thereabouts. The second day, I upped it to, um, I don’t know. I lost count. The third day, I ate some more. And now, Lily’s trick or treat pail sits next to me on the couch. I can smell the corn syrup. It beckons, but, fortunately, it’s lost its allure… for the moment. LOL

The Butterfingers and Baby Ruth’s are “bite-sized.” I don’t know about you, but their definition of “bite-sized” and my definition of “bite-sized” are completely different. Theirs is more like a sliver of chocolate. In order to get what I consider a bite-size, I’d have to eat ten. Okay. Maybe not ten, but at least two or three. Even what passes for full-size candy bars are a pale shadow of their former 70s selves. They’ve gone on a diet.  (Something I should seriously consider.) Their diet has been so extreme that, if they were human, they’d be dead by now. The candy bars have lost wwwaaaayyyy too much weight especially for the price.

We were in Rite-Aid the other night. We are waiting in line for the cash register, and I happened to glance at the candy there. A “full-size” Snickers bar was priced at $1.18. It was easily half the size of the ones I bought in 70s for 25 cents. It seems like everything was bigger, better, and cheaper. Of course, that could just be my kid’s imagination, but I don’t think so.

It’s not just candy bars that have shrunk. Everything, except perhaps my middle and hips, have shrunk since the 70s. Oh, and cars. We don’t have the boats, but we have SUVs. They are about the same, even if the SUVs have a slightly better gas mileage.

And what would Halloween be without the candy wrappers all over the sidewalks, front lawns, and parks? These will eventually end up in the drains and make their way down to the beach where I’ll be picking them again next year during Beach Clean Up Day. I used to throw mine in my trick or treat bag. The world was not my trash can. How hard is that to understand? At day five, the wrappers have disappeared. I’m okay with that. I’m hoping they ended up in the garbage, though.

For the moment, I am safe. Candy does not appeal.

For the record, those different colored Twizzlers have the flavor of a stick of lard, not that I know what lard tastes like, but they are pretty darn bland. Wonka’s Gobstoppers are really good as are the Runts. I think I prefer them over the Butterfingers, Baby Ruth’s, Whoppers, and Milk Duds, right now.

Er, but I’m not eating an… (nom, nom nom)


Don’t mock me, pumpkin head!