This Thanksgiving was different. Well, perhaps it wasn’t that different. Perhaps it was just me. Perhaps I just noticed the difference this year. Well, last year, Thanksgiving was at my house, which was a complete change. This year, like most years, we visited my mother’s. The difference with this year is that I did most of the cooking while at Mom’s, Charlie was helping a friend with his computer (Charlie did get paid, but it was Thanksgiving), and it was just me, my mother, and Lily at the house.
As the day went on, and I put together more and more of the dishes… alone, I was saddened by how Thanksgiving had changed. I was not surrounded by family. Not really. This wasn’t any different than my usual visit with my mom. My sister was moving into her new place. Her husband was with her. My brother-in-law and his wife (he remarried after my sister’s death) spends the first 2/3 of the day with his family and arrive just in time for dinner. They stick around for a few hours as they are pretty tired by the time they reach us. My brother, his wife, and their kids now stay home as at least two of my nephews work the day before Thanksgiving, and the day after, or Thanksgiving Day.
What used to be a day when the entire family came together is now a day of minimal family. What used to be an all-day fest is now relegated to a few hours.
I suppose it is a bit of evolution of family. When I was a child, we would drive the 5-6 hours up to my maternal grandmother’s and have Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family. That was a blast. Mom has a large family, and I had so many cousins. Oh, the trouble we could find without getting caught! 😀 But the same thing happened as all of the grandkids grew up and started lives of their own.
Now, I see it happening with my immediate family. Oh, it’s really been the last couple of years, not just this year, but it really hit home this year. Christmas is much the same.
They just make me sad. 🙁 I am beginning to not like the holidays. 🙁
This is a ‘normal’ transition that still saddens us as we finally reach it. The hunk and I are alone as travel is difficult for me. My children all live in other states and lack the wherewithal for a dinner for themselves, let alone money to travel.
This year it dawned on me I am responsible for my own happiness at this time of year. I can make the holiday what I want it to be. And I CHOOSE to celebrate it quietly. Old memories are wonderful. New ones are too!
You are right, Anny, I am responsible for how I feel. I usually am okay. I think it was just cooking by myself and remembering what it was like and missing my sister. Janna would’ve been there earlier with her kids (the ones she wanted but never had). Lily would’ve had cousins closer in age. And… Well, what ifs and would haves mean nothing. 🙂
I wish I could get my mom down here for Christmas. That would mean Charlie and I sleeping on the couch, but I’d do it. 🙂 I don’t mind making dinner, now that I know how easy it is. LOL it takes time, but it’s not hard.
I hate that your nephews had to work ON Thanksgiving day! Honestly, when did a family celebration of love and eating, morph into a celebration of unbridled greed? I’m doing as much of my shopping on-line or from catalogs using 800 numbers, as I can. The only stores I might venture into are the small local ones. I’m voting with my dollars, and I’m refusing to join in the madding throng trampling each other to save a few bucks.
This was the first year my MIL didn’t make it, though my daughter drove to her house and brought her a couple of plates full of everything we had, including the multiple desserts (there were 21 people here…just the husband’s immediate family!) My daughter had to work the day before and the day after, but begged off Thanksgiving day because she and her brothers began a tradition a few years ago of doing the “Turkey Trot” 5-K run in the morning. My one son spent Wed. night in a motel because he ran into a snowstorm in Michigan and wasn’t willing to triple his drive time, risking slipping off the road. But he got here easily on Thursday morning.
I think part of what upset you is that the changing nature of families as the kids age, makes you face your own aging/mortality, and that’s never pleasant. Even less so during a time when you want to be surrounded by family-love. I hope your December holidays are more comforting for you.
I agree with you, Fiona. My nephews work for a grocery store. As I’ve run to the store at the last minute for my mother on Thanksgiving, I do understand why they are open, but I think that we would survive (and perhaps be a bit more organized) if the stores were closed.
Someone on Facebook was saying how there are people who have a hard time with Thanksgiving and don’t want to be home or with family and would rather work. That’s fine. Let them work. Don’t make everyone else do it.
You are right, most likely. It evoked memories of my grandmother and how as my siblings and I aged, we stopped alternating our Christmases and Thanksgivings up at my grandmother’s house. It was a long drive, but being with family was awesome. I miss that.